Mid-Life Crisis for Infinite Men and Women

 

Let’s face it. We’re all in a rut. All of us. Just like every generation before us. It’s so cliche, isn’t it? So much so that it makes one ponder why it inevitably happens. What is it that drags us down into this pit of mundanity, incarcerating us within an unending state of malaise and restlessness? The jaded may say marriage, kids, the daily grind. That’s a shallow oversimplification and a misguided answer. No, it’s deeper, transcending gender, culture or station in life. It’s something inherently human we all face…

Mortality.

There’s a reason wisdom comes with age. It’s because with distance comes clarity. We miss what we no longer have. That’s the definition of nostalgia. The memberberries of a simpler time when all we knew, or cared to remember, was childhood happiness. But there was more lost to time than that. Youth. Energy. Freedom. Recall Paul Rudd’s dinner table lament from Knocked Up, frustrated he can no longer just up and go to India. Absurd example but what he’s saying is he no longer sees opportunities to be unpredictable, to pursue a new experience, to feel alive. 

We’ve all joked about the Hair Club for Men commercials, but the truth is we all yearn for something to tether us back to our salad days. Why? Because if we’re focused on fleeting joy we don’t have time to acknowledge our deaths slowly creeping closer. Sounds melodramatic but statistically there’s a reason we begin to think like this at mid life. Ask yourself how many loved ones and close friends have you lost? The longer we live, the more we lose, and with each loss we become more embittered. 

Afraid. 

As a parent, one of the scariest thoughts that enters your mind is the uncertainty of your child’s life when you are no longer alive to help them. This is one of many reasons why the recklessness of youth dissipates, because we need to be practical and reasonable in our choices and actions, ensure we keep our selves healthy and present for our kids. Which brings us back to that shallow oversimplification. The daily grind. Recall Homer Simpson and his pictures of Maggie at work. Do it for her. And that ‘her’ can be anything for anyone, any beacon of righteous cause. A sibling that leans on you. A child with needs. A spouse who relies on you. And why not, you rely on them, too. That’s the issue, though, isn’t it? The spark fizzles as the routines take root. The love is still there, but that cliche daily grind has no mercy. An unspoken agreement is forged that attention and chemistry are no longer required, that it’s more noble to shelve your desires for the good of the relationship or household, but despite how noble your love for a spouse or sweetheart, eventually you become too comfortable. Complacent.

Bored.

How many people do you know pick up a new hobby out of the blue? Act out of character? Maybe a friend randomly one day decides to become a beekeeper. An older sister joins a gym mostly populated with members half her age. Or a coworker starts uncontrollably playing scratch off lotto games. How many times have you watched garbage television simply because it was something new? Why? We are desperate to experience those euphoric endorphins that come with not knowing the outcome. Now, mind you, the ferocity of this desperation varies with each person. One anxious adult may be satisfied with buying a new outfit that changes up their style, make people look twice, boost their confidence. Others will go more reckless, punk rock style. Sex and drugs and bungee jumping. Sentience and being alive go hand in hand but often one trumps the other, and it’s in midlife when they seem to be in direct opposition. Recall Elektra King in The World is Not Enough. ‘There’s no point in living if you can’t feel alive’ so in turn recall Jim Carrey In Yes Man and ‘say yes to life.’

Now you’re no doubt asking why am I bothering you with this? Can I just stop rambling and quoting movies and get to the point already? Anyone who knows me knows I like to build tension and pique interest. Context, kids. My point is this…

You’re having a midlife crisis and you don’t even know it, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s perfectly natural. And cliche. And healthy. And it’s important we all recognize in each other the same screams for change. 

We all just want to be happy without having to compromise who we are.

When popularity among peers and acceptance of family are no longer prerequisites, then we finally find ourselves. A housewife takes up tennis. Your brother starts to learn guitar. Midlife crisis and bucket lists are two sides of the same coin, worth the same value: no regrets. Unlike James Bond, we don’t live twice, we only get one shot at life, and like I said earlier, the older we get, we start to lose people unexpectedly and that’s a sobering feeling. We all want to look back and say we lived our lives well, by whatever standards we’ve set. 

Thanks to social media, we’ve been given front row seats to everyone’s lives, and with proper context, you can see the truth. Even the pretentious posts offer a glimmer of insight. Human civilization has reach a time where this primal, inherent mindset we all age into now can be acknowledged and managed without shame or judgement. Well, theoretically. Truth is, social media is nothing but judgement. But I ask that when you see a stoic colleague begin collecting Happy Meal toys or an introverted cousin abruptly go kayaking or you accidentally learn a shy peer joined a dating website that instead of judging you be inspired. Take a moment, be honest with yourself, do a bit of self psychoanalysis and discover what is missing in your life. What would give you that rush of endorphins again? What could bring you joy like you haven’t felt since childhood? I’m not talking about the convenient nostalgia all the legacy sequels and vintage style T-shirts corporate America profits off of. That’s not living. I’m suggesting you think back to the moments that always bring a smile to your face, and ask yourself if the ingredients to those memories are still in your life. If they’re not then go get the ones you can, because the clock is ticking.

We can’t age backwards, but that doesn’t mean we should act like we’re already done living. It’s only a rut if you’re ignoring the way out.